official.

circa 2009. freshly 26 and 21. completely nerdy. too cute.

after a year of sorta seeing eachother. it was finally official. post breakdowns. 

as she remembers it. 

chris and i sorta dated for a year. from december 2008 (still have a parking ticket from outside his house) to december 2009. before ever really calling each other anything other than a friend. wouldn’t really call it just friends, also wouldn’t call it official. we had fun times hanging out weekly, watching movies, chatting endlessly on iChat, drinking, celebrating a 21st birthday with 21 too many shots,  going on day trips to the shore, his first phillies game, a night spent driving endlessly to remote spots looking for my first shooting star, lots of visits to the bar i worked at. there was no meeting of parents, no weird dates, no holidays together, no awkward what are you doing, where are you, who are you with comments. just together, but not official. we met a few of each others friends, learned endless amounts about each other, became comfortable and i fell in love. never spilling the beans about my true feelings.

chris went to spain in november of 2009. he came over before he left, brought me a fruit bowl, we spent time together and then he was gone.  tears followed. i didn’t realize how hard it would be watching him walk away knowing i wouldn’t see or speak to him for ten days, and knowing i wasn’t really his girlfriend. i mean, honestly, spain, b-e-a-u-tiful women everywhere, would he hook up, did he care he was leaving me? so many questions. no answers.

after his trip, the butterflies i felt when he came over were out of this world. seeing him, newly shaved head and all, made me feel like i never had. and i still wasn’t his girlfriend. but in that moment and time i didn’t care. we were together right then and that is all i needed.

weeks went by. my fall semester ended. it was a wednesday in mid december. i was bartending and chris was supposed to walk down and celebrate. he never showed.  what a jerk.

i went home. there was a two a.m. text. are you home? can we talk. the dreaded words no one wants to hear. even the nongirlfriend friend. he showed up in his sweatpants, looked completely distraught, first thought was someone died. instead, he tried to break things off. said i gave him monkey brain. i’m all he thought about. i distract him too much from his work. a few hours later and millions of shed tears. beans were spilled. feelings were finally talked about. and we were official.

it took three more months for us to finally say i love you to each other. although i knew for so long, he was first to say it. i wanted and needed it that way. i never wanted those words to be forced. we still value when they are spoken because they come from the heart, when that feeling over comes us, not just something said habitually.

i believe patience is a virtue. things happen for a reason. and he is my one.

his version is way less sappy and one day i’ll have him tell it.